Read at your own risk - these aren't exactly Seinfeld material...
* From a Richard Ford novel:
Q. What did the bra say to the hat?
A. You go on a head; I'll give these two a lift.
* From my friend Julie Froeter:
Q. Did you hear about the hole in the fence around the nudist colony?
A. The police are looking into it.
Q. What did the cannibal say after he ate the clown?
A. That tasted funny.
Q. Why did the boy bring the hammer to bed?
A. Because he wanted to hit the sack.
“If a writer has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate; the ‘Ode to a Grecian Urn’ is worth any number of old ladies.” - William Faulkner
"Writing is so difficult that I often feel that writers, having had their hell on earth, will escape all punishment hereafter." - Jessamyn West
"The road to hell is paved with adverbs." - Mark Twain
“No iron can pierce the heart with such force as a period put just at the right place.”
- Isaac Babel
"The trade of authorship is a violent and indestructible obsession." - George Sand
"It is fatal for anyone who writes to think of their sex. It is fatal to be a man or woman pure and simple: one must be woman-manly or man-womanly." - Virginia Woolf